Cycle of Seasons
by Cumberbatch Critter
Summary: Winter: Axel hates the cold. Spring: They didn't bring an umbrella. Summer: It's just too hot. Autumn: Reflecting on the past year. Day 355: ... [Implied, unrequited slash. No ACTUAL slash, just gen, but there's some inner dialogue towards the end that implies maybe more.]


**Cycle of Seasons**

_**Winter**_

He hated the cold.

His teeth had started chattering before five minutes had gone by. He rubbed his hands together, leather catching against leather. "S-So c-cold," he muttered, his breath turning to a puff of condensation beneath his nose.

Drawing his legs up to wrap his arms around them, compressing his body into an unnaturally small space, Axel sighed and thus proceeded to cough from the cold assailing his lungs. If Roxas hadn't promised to come by after work, he would have gone straight back to the Castle.

"Axel?"

Speak of the devil.

Shivering, Axel raised his head from his knees.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be here yet," Roxas said, sitting down next to him. "I got a little held up on my mission."

Axel sniffed, rubbing his nose on his sleeve. "Nah, I haven't been here long. Mission go bad?"

Roxas shook his head. "Not really bad. Just a stubborn target. Oh, I seen a couple of those kids around here and they suggested that I try this because... it's too cold for ice cream, isn't it?"

Axel laughed slightly. "Yeah, just a little bit."

Roxas laughed and handed over a paper cup capped with a plastic lid. It was warm, Axel could feel that through his gloves. He set it aside to pull his gloves off to wrap his numb fingers around the paper cup, sighing slightly. It was just way too cold. How could Roxas sit there and have goosebumps and still _somehow_ manage to look _warm_?

"It's something called hot chocolate," Roxas was saying, jerking Axel out of his frigid reverie. "I... don't really know what it is, but they told me to put a bunch of these little white floaty things in it, they look like little square clouds or something."

Axel started. "Wait, hot chocolate and _marshmallows_? You got me hot chocolate and marshmallows." He pulled the lid off the cup, staring into the murky brown liquid loaded with marshmallows.

"Yeah?" Roxas looked at him. His forehead crinkled where his eyebrows drew together. "Was that bad?"

Axel laughed. "No. I love hot chocolate." The words came unbidden and he took a scalding sip without thinking. It clicked into his mind afterwards that he had love_d_ (past tense) hot chocolate in his _past_ (past tense) life. It was one of those things you did as a kid, a human kid, anyway. Hot chocolate on cold days.

He sighed pleasantly. "Try it, while it's still hot. Blow on it, though, you'll burn your tongue," he added, making the connection that Roxas wouldn't know what to do with it.

Roxas nodded and took a small sip slowly, licking his lips. "Umm... yeah. It's good." He smiled. "Hey, those kids were right!" He laughed and took another drink.

Axel chuckled and raised his cup to take another drink. The cold winter wind swept through the town and rustled his hair, making him nearly choke on the drink he'd just taken.

"Axel?"

"It's so _cold_," he groaned. "I c-can't handle the c-cold!" And there went his teeth chattering again.

Roxas frowned. "Did you want to go back? Or we can sit inside the station..."

"N-No." Another gulp of hot chocolate, licking froth from his lips. "I'll be okay." If he could get his teeth to stop chattering and why did Roxas have to look at him with those big, blue eyes? He couldn't say that he wanted to go back to the Castle even if he _did_ want to (and he kind of wanted to).

An idea fell into place. Softly, and gently, like feathers falling onto his head or being hit with a pillow.

Axel tightened his grip around his hot chocolate. "I'll make you a deal. I'll stay here with you _if_..." he trailed off for a second. "... you sit closer, because I am _freezing_."

Roxas blinked. "Uh, okay." He shuffled down until they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. "But if you're really cold, we can-"

"Nah." Axel leaned into Roxas's warmth (and he wasn't kidding, the kid was radiating it, how could he do that, he was _so_ tiny), slipping his arm around him. "You'll be good enough for me."

"Alright." Not seeming bothered in the least, Roxas yawned, shivered a bit, and leaned against Axel's chest. "Huh. It is warmer like this."

Axel smiled faintly. "Yes. That it is, Roxas."

_**Spring**_

Axel yawned, the stone of the clock tower cool against his back. He stared blearily up towards the sky before his eyes fluttered shut again. He guessed no one was coming today. He'd been up here for hours, but it wasn't as though he wanted to go back. It was too nice out. Not too hot, not too cold, not too _anything_. He yawned again.

"You're still here!"

Axel jumped a bit, eyes flying open.

Roxas smiled as he sat down on the ledge. "You look like you've been snoozing."

Axel smiled (because it was possibly not to smile when Roxas smiled, why?) and pushed himself into a sitting position. "I didn't think you were coming."

"I got lost in Wonderland," Roxas admitted. "The Caprices kept turning me around." He held out a stick of ice cream to Axel.

"Crazy place," Axel commented, taking it and munching down. His eyes directed back towards the sky. It was then that he noticed the first inkling of a dark cloud floating across the sky. "Uh oh," he said aloud.

"What?" Roxas asked, pausing with his ice cream halfway to his lips.

"That." Axel pointed at the cloud with his ice cream. "That's a rain cloud. I bet we're going to have a downburst."

Roxas frowned. "Huh?"

"Rain," Axel clarified. "It's going to rain."

"But I just got here!" Roxas protested.

"Hey, I didn't summon it!" Axel retorted, grinning.

Roxas huffed and took a bite of his ice cream, staring sulkily at the dark cloud drifting their way. The look on his face was equally priceless and adorable at the same time. (He didn't know why he thought that, it was the word that popped into his head, although he hadn't thought anything was adorable since he was human because he couldn't feel the attachment.)

"With any luck, it'll just rain for a few minutes and move on," Axel said. "Because the rest of the sky is pretty clear. It rains a lot in spring, you know."

"It does?" Roxas looked at him with that curious look again, that _is-this-something-I-should-know?_ look.

Axel nodded. "Yeah. April showers bring May flowers..." He scratched his head. "Or something like that."

"But it's already May."

"I didn't say it was foolproof," Axel commented. This kid provided the most amusement he'd had since he joined the Organization. Roxas and Sora both, although that made sense, in the long run. They were, ideally, the same person. Of course they would both make Axel feel amused. (But how could he feel, because he didn't have a heart?)

Roxas opened his mouth to respond but stopped, mouth snapping closed as a raindrop landed smack on the tip of his nose. He went cross-eyed to look at it.

Axel bit onto his ice cream stick, holding it between his teeth as he scooted backwards. The closer they were to the wall, the less chance of getting wet, he hoped.

His logic, just like the old proverb, was flawed, too, because as the rain started to pound down around them and Roxas complained mightily (and Axel swore mentally) as they got wet. The whole thing could have been solved by summoning a portal and hiding out for a few minutes, but then there was really no point. If only they had an umbrella...

He snapped his fingers. "Got it!" He handed his ice cream to Roxas with the instruction to hang onto it, reaching for the zipper on his coat. He pulled it off in one fell swoop (feeling vaguely naked with the fitted black muscle shirt he was wearing underneath with the uniform black pants and the way that Roxas's eyes fell on his exposed skin) and billowed it out, holding it above both of their heads. "Makeshift umbrella!" he explained.

Roxas blinked.

"Hey, try looking a little more enthusiastic. I have to hold it up because you're so much more shorter than me," Axel joked.

Roxas cracked a smile at this and huddled closer. "It's not my fault you're tall and skinny!"

"No, you're just short and..." Axel paused, eyes roving down Roxas's body. "... well-built."

"What does that mean?" Roxas retorted.

"Nothing." Axel grinned.

"Did you just call me a term that you knew I wouldn't know to get around calling me fat?!"

The incredulousness in Roxas's tone was hilarious. "You're not fat, Roxas, jeez. You're just not skinny. You're perfect." He threw it out as a way to placate something he didn't know how to express. (He didn't think Roxas was fat or skinny, and he did think he was perfect, because, again, adorable, it was _him_, it worked 100%.)

Roxas paused. "Perfect...?" He opened his mouth to say something else but then gave a little "Ah!" instead, flicking melting ice cream away from his hands. "Hey, your ice cream's melting! _My_ ice cream's melting!"

"I'm holding up the coat. Don't look at me."

Roxas bit off a corner of his ice cream. "I'm going to get ice cream all over."

"I can't help it, now can I?" Axel mused, although he leaned over a bit to take a bite out of his own ice cream that Roxas was still holding.

"This is really awkward," Roxas said. "Here, let me switch." He swapped the ice cream so he was holding Axel's with his right. "There. Is that easier?"

"Sort of," Axel muttered. "The 'kind of short' argument is coming back," he added, licking a spot of ice cream away from Roxas's fingers where it had melted.

"_Ew!_"

To be fair, Axel _did_ jump a bit at the unexpected explosion (almost squeal).

"You just _licked_ me!" Roxas said.

"My ice cream melted on your fingers!"

"You _licked_ me!" Roxas repeated incredulously.

Axel couldn't help but laugh, but the laughter came to a sudden end when Roxas shoved his half-eaten ice cream into his mouth. Axel bit down on the stick so it didn't fall. _"'oxa',_" he complained, although it didn't actually come out right through the ice cream in his mouth.

Roxas smeared his ice cream-saliva speckled hand on Axel's bare arm, giving it a shove afterwards. Nonetheless, he was smiling.

Axel tried to smile back around the ice cream.

_**Summer**_

"It's _hot_," Roxas gasped, flopping down next to Axel. He was already halfway through a rapidly melting sea-salt ice cream, but he handed one to Axel. It was melting rapidly, too.

Unlike with winter, Axel didn't have a problem with summer. The heat? He was good at handling that. Fire-wielder and all. Did bad in the cold, handled it well in the heat. So, he had barely even broken a sweat at the 'hot' day, although everyone else within a ten mile radius was complaining loudly or just staying indoors with air conditioning.

"It's warm," Axel said, taking the ice cream.

"_Warm_?" Roxas repeated. "Are you _kidding_ me?" Sweat trickled down from his hairline and he shook it away fiercely. "I'm _soaking_ in sweat!"

Axel just raised his eyebrows and took a bite of the soft ice cream.

Roxas huffed and finished off his ice cream in record time.

The next thing Axel knew, he'd been sitting there trying to eat his ice cream before it melted into a pool of goo, and then Roxas had thrown off his coat and flopped backwards to lay back.

"Feeling adventurous?" Axel asked, looking back at the blonde now clad in only pants and a baggy t-shirt, latter of which was actually very smile-worthy.

"_Hot_," Roxas stressed. He folded his arms over his eyes.

Axel's eyebrows only proceeded to go higher. "D'you want another ice cream or something? You look miserable. Hey, where's Xion? I thought you two were together today."

"She went back to the Castle early... which I should have done," Roxas muttered, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well," Axel said, mock-dryly, "don't let me keep you."

Roxas sighed and peered at him through his fingers. "Sorry. ... Another ice cream would be great," he added timidly.

Axel laughed softly. "I was only kidding, Roxas."

"Oh." Roxas paused. "I wasn't. About the ice cream, I mean." He gave him the most innocent, pleading look through his bangs falling into his eyes from the humidity.

Axel froze. The shock of blue went straight to his heart (but wait, you don't have a heart, remember?), settled into his body, setting his nerves alight with something he hadn't felt in years. It was both exhilarating and frightening at the same time, whilst, of course, it was neither at all because he didn't have the heart to feel those things for himself now.

He caught himself quick enough, his pause only mere seconds in reality before he cracked a small smile. "Yeah, okay. I can do that." He took the last bite of his ice cream before standing. "I'll be right back. Try not to melt," he added cheerfully, which earned him a groan, before summoning up a dark corridor for a quicker route.

* * *

Axel got another ice cream for Roxas and went back to the clock tower, although his mind inevitably ended up drifting. Roxas wasn't in the mood for talk and ended up leaving shortly after finishing off his second ice cream, but not before Axel caught himself staring more than once.

There was just something... _weird_.

It was impossible to tear his eyes away whenever Roxas started licking the melting ice cream.

Needless to say, tucked under blankets in his air-conditioned-_freezing _room later that night, he couldn't sleep because, while he had an inkling of an idea whirling around in his head...

... it just _couldn't_ be true.

... Could it?

_**Autumn**_

"It kind of smells like Halloween Town everywhere," Roxas said, leading the way out of the dark corridor.

"It's the leaves. It's autumn now," Axel said, following him onto the clock tower. "I think autumn started early, actually... Usually, there aren't so many leaves like this when it's still decently warm."

"It's more beautiful than Halloween Town," Roxas admitted, taking his seat.

"Well, yeah," Axel said, sitting next to him. "It's not meant to be visually attractive in Halloween Town, after all." He handed him his ice cream.

"Thanks." Roxas nibbled on the corner. "You know... it's been almost a year since I first joined the Organization."

Axel bit off a chunk of his ice cream, licking his lips as the familiar flavor seeped over his tastebuds. "You're still keeping track?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah." He smiled and his face lit up the clock tower, the sky, and simultaneously gave Axel a kick in the stomach that left him uneasily breathless. "No more know-it-all remarks this time, either!" Roxas said jokingly.

Axel smiled, mostly out of reflex (because he always did with Roxas, always). "I've got plenty of amassed knowledge. Do you know why they call autumn 'fall'?"

"Because the leaves fall," Roxas intoned. "Duh."

Axel laughed. Roxas joined in.

Their laughter trailed off into a blissful, perfectly content silence. Silence was good, Axel thought. He lived by that sometimes. It was good for thinking, which, unfortunately, he had a lot of thinking to do. And it wasn't even the average Organization stuff. There was a bit about Saïx and Xemnas, there was a little more about Sora, there was a lot about Xion, and, ultimately, there was an immeasurable amount about Roxas.

Beneath the happiness, there was darkness lurking. Axel knew something was coming, and he wasn't sure who would end up victorious in the scheme of things, but he was pretty sure, in any case, it wasn't going to be him.

"Hey, do you think you and I'll be assigned to Neverland again soon sometime?" Roxas asked, breaking into Axel's train of thought.

Axel looked down at him. "Hm? I don't know. Why?"

"I want to go flying some more. You and I and Peter Pan haven't had our race around the ocean yet," Roxas said, like it was the most important thing in the world. They both knew it wasn't, but it was nice to pretend.

"Yeah, I'll leave that to you and Peter," Axel said wisely, looking at the sunset.

"Why? Come on, Axel!"

"I'll leave that flying around stuff to you kids."

"Peter's not a kid! Neither am I, for that matter! And you're only, what, like, five years older than me?" Roxas protested.

Axel snorted. "Try eight years older."

Roxas huffed. "Well, whatever." He looked at the sunset. "You still believe or you wouldn't be able to fly at all."

Axel wasn't sure how sound that idea was. He hadn't been able to fly at first, but Roxas had said to trust him and, right from then, he just _had_. Roxas had made him trust. Roxas had made him _feel_.

"You know," Axel started slowly. The words were slow in forming in his head; he wasn't good at anything that involved "emotions". "You really are-"

"Hey, there's those kids!" Roxas interrupted. "Oh, they're playing Grandstander. They had me try that once, on our vacation day, I think it was..."

Axel tore his gaze away from Roxas and towards the kids with the blue bat and the big ball that they were hitting into the air.

"Sorry," Roxas said, looking back at him. "Were you saying something?"

Axel looked back at Roxas, smiling thinly. "Nah, nothing. Hey, your ice cream's melting," he reminded, changing the topic, because whatever _that_ had been, it was gone.

"Oh. Yeah." Roxas's eyes invariably went back to the kids playing below as he ate his ice cream.

Axel drew in a deep breath of the crisp, fall air and let it out slowly.

_**Day 355**_

It hurts. That's the only way I can explain the way I feel.

I had already figured out that Roxas was planning on leaving. The argument that we had kind of proved it. But, I thought... maybe... maybe, if anyone could stop him, it would have been me. Because we're best friends.

Except we're not.

_No one would miss me._

And why does my chest feel like it's about to explode when I haven't got the heart to feel the pain with? Roxas's retreating back puts more and more distance between us and another pain, another pain.

It hurts. I'm... sad.

How can I be sad?

But... if I'm sad... if I have the capability to feel _this_, this pain, this sadness... was everything else I had been feeling... _real_? Happiness was something fickle, but I never failed to smile when I saw his smiling face. Bliss was difficult to come by but watching the sunset with him put my entire body at ease. _Ambition_ was even more difficult but - weren't you the one who told Roxas to come by the clock tower after each mission for ice cream and weren't you the one who had said you were best friends and weren't you the one who tried to save both Roxas and Xion when you _knew_ that something like this would end up happening, anyway?

So...

If I'm sad...

If my heart really is hurting like this when I don't even _have_ a heart...

Was everything that I felt for Roxas true, too? Was it real? It wasn't an illusion?

It seems silly, but...

My body aches.

My heart aches.

Heartache.

It really was real. Heart or no heart. _This_ was feeling. _This_ was caring about someone. _This_ was what it meant to love and to hurt and _this_ was what goodbye was.

Goodbye.

My gaze goes to the sky and my eyes close. The world seems just a little bit more dark now that my beam of light is gone.

Hearts sound all good when you don't have them. But once you start to feel, there really is no going back. Still... I wouldn't trade my time with him for all of the hearts in the world.

I only ever needed one. Little did I know that Roxas was _the_ one.

_That's not true. I would._

* * *

**It got really angsty at the end, didn't it? I didn't intend on that, but I thought it was a good place to round it off. I wanted to do fluff with the seasons and it ended up being sad (but then... their whole relation/friendship is doomed in any way you look at it, so it's always tragic, anyway.)**

**But good news, if you ship AkuRoku and likes the fluff! I'm doing a 30 Day OTP Challenge, starting the 1st! It'll be on my _Archive of My Own_ account, because it's easier to string a series there, but I am taking the challenge and meeting it head on. I am excited.**

**I do not own _Kingdom Hearts, Alice in Wonderland, The Nightmare Before Christmas_, or any other world/character I may have mentioned and am forgetting now. They all belong to Disney (which I don't own either, which is fairly obvious), and Square Enix. Thanks for reading!**


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